.🧠🧂Satire Roast: How the Human Brain Really Works (Unless You're Kamala)

“Rebuilding Brain Cells One MAGA Thought at a Time”

🔬 PART 1: HUMAN BRAIN 101 — THE MAGA GUIDE

Let’s start with the facts (sorry, libs):

• The human brain has two hemispheres.

• The left side handles logic, reason, language.

• The right side handles creativity, emotion, common sense.

• Somewhere along the way, Kamala Harris managed to lose access to both.

🧠 Normal brain: “Let’s assess the facts and form a conclusion.”
🥴 Kamala brain: “Well, you see, the significance of the moment is significant… because… the significance of that moment is significantly significant.”

Translation: Word salad served cold, no dressing, no nutrients — just empty calories and zero policy protein.

🧠 PART 2: KAMALA, BORDER CZAR & AI CZAR = TOTAL SYSTEM FAILURE

• As Border Czar: She never actually visited the border.
  🤡 That’s like being a surgeon who refuses to enter the operating room.

• As AI Czar: She thinks “AI” stands for “Absolutely Incoherent.”

🎤 “AI is kind of like a thing that’s about things that do things with intelligence that is artificial, but also real because… it’s intelligence… of a thing.”

That moment alone caused millions of neurons to commit suicide in sheer despair.

🧻 PART 3: ENTER TAMPON TIM — THE BETA SIDEKICK

• Tim Kaine, a.k.a. Tampon Tim, is what happens when you order a Vice President on Wish.com.

• He’s so bland he makes unsalted crackers look like hot sauce.

• Kamala picked him because he makes her sound less embarrassing by comparison.

“Together, we will deliver progress... and also... protect menstrual equity and environmental sustainability... I think.”

Congratulations. You just made every American man, woman, and child dumber.

🐑 PART 4: BRAINWASHING THE MASSES

The mainstream media, aka The Democrat Damage Control Department, has one job:

🧼 “Scrub the truth, spin the lies, silence the right.”

They run 24/7 infomercials for brain rot:

• CNN: “Orange Man Bad™”

• MSNBC: “Russia, Russia, Racism”

• NPR: “Here’s your taxpayer-funded guilt trip and gender studies rant”

• The View: “The real-life study in estrogen-induced brain fog.”

📺 PART 5: TRUMP WAS RIGHT — FAKE NEWS KILLS BRAIN CELLS

Donald J. Trump said it years ago:

“The Fake News is the enemy of the people.”

And guess what?
Science backs it up.

🔬 Study shows prolonged exposure to MSNBC lowers testosterone and shrinks the prefrontal cortex.
🔊 Listening to Rachel Maddow may result in hallucinations, virtue signaling, and the urge to use pronouns in your email signature.

🧠 PART 6: RESTORING BRAIN CELLS – THE MAGA METHOD

Step 1: Turn off CNN.
Step 2: Watch a Trump rally.
Step 3: Eat a ribeye, take your magnesium, and read the Constitution.
Step 4: Reclaim your God-given logic center from the DNC mind control experiment.

🔥 Warning: Restoring brain function may result in patriotism, independent thought, and questioning Hunter Biden’s laptop.

🧠 FINAL THOUGHT:

“Your brain is the most powerful tool in your body.
Unless you're a Democrat — then it’s just an unused organ filled with TikTok clips and climate guilt.”

Time to defund stupidity and re-elect brain function.

Vote Trump. Save your neurons. Reboot America.

Let me know if you want this formatted as a blog post, narrated as a roast video, or paired with a meme pack for your social media 👊🇺🇸🧠